Q&A with Pastor Chris - When is the Right Time to Date?
Q&A with Pastor Chris - When is the Right Time to Date?
Question: Dear Pastor, thank you for answering our questions online. I’m a first year student; I’d like you to share your views and thoughts on dating. When is it the right time? Answer: The right time is when you become responsible. Now, when your parents are responsible for your education and responsible for everything you do, you are not responsible. So, why go on dating? Dating is really the idea that you are fixing certain times to get to meet someone and know that person, get to learn about that individual and so that’s what it is. So, if you are deciding that “okay I want to do this”, because you don’t just date, you date for a purpose, you are hoping to get married to that person if everything is right. So, during that dating period, you are wanting to find out whether she is alright [or] “is he alright?” So, you would only begin dating when you are responsible, but there is more.
Now, usually dating is something that should be done when you know the right direction to go. But, in the world, it is done as “I’m trying to find out”, “I’m trying to know if this is the right person for me”; that’s what it is generally in the world. “I’m trying to find out whether she’s nice, whether she’s good, whether she’s okay for me”, and if I think so then I go ahead and say “well, maybe this is the person I would like to marry”. But, in Christ things are the other way; we don’t try to find out by dating first. We know first and date after. See, we don’t date to try and find out if you are right after; we know first that you are right and then we date. That’s the difference. So, it means that you have to have the kind of understanding, spiritual understanding and maturity to make the right decision, or even better, decisions are made for you. Now let me explain this to you. In the book of Genesis, we have two brothers by the name of Esau and Jacob, and in the bible it tells us that these things were written for us for our learning, and it is important for us to know how things ought to function in the kingdom of God. First, we talk about Abraham: Abraham was married to Sarah for many years, and they had no child until the Bible tells us that God visited Sarah after He had made a promise to Abraham, and He said “I am going to bless you and make you a blessing and your seed shall be the source of blessing to all nations”, and He was saying there that He was going to bring forth the Christ. Now, there are several other scriptures along with this, but it does tell us that from then on Abraham became a special person [Genesis 17]. The Bible says that he entered into a covenant with God, so he was no longer an ordinary person, an ordinary man; this was a man who was the friend of God. He was in a covenant relationship with God and that meant that everyone in his lineage became a special person, because the promise was made to Abraham and his seed. Now, his son - Isaac - was going to get married, and what did Abraham do? He didn’t say “Isaac, which of the young girls around do you like?” He didn’t say that. He sent his most senior servant to go and get a wife for Isaac, and Eliezar, the servant of Abraham travelled this long journey [Genesis 24], and he (Eliezar) prayed to God; he said “Please send your angel to guide me, send your angel to guide me to get a wife for my master’s son, Isaac.” Now, why was that so important? Because Isaac was in the covenant, so it mattered who he was going to get married to. Then, Isaac had these two boys Esau and Jacob. Esau liked the young girls that he saw; he dated those that he liked. Now, let’s see what happened from Genesis 28:1-7: “And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padan-aram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother's brother. And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people; And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham. And Isaac sent away Jacob: and he went to Padan-aram unto Laban, son of Bethuel the Syrian, the brother of Rebekah, Jacob's and Esau's mother. When Esau saw that Isaac had blessed Jacob, and sent him away to Padan-aram, to take him a wife from thence; and that as he blessed him he gave him a charge, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan; [Esau heard it, Esau saw that Jacob obeyed his father] And that Jacob obeyed his father and his mother, and was gone to Padan-aram;” Let me take you through it again. I want you to listen to this: Isaac calls his son, Jacob, after he had received the blessing of Abraham, and he said [now, remember at this time, Jacob had received the blessing and Esau had missed the blessing and the Bible does tell us something about Esau - it says that Esau was profane. That you find in the book of Hebrews 12:16; it says that Esau was profane, that means that he didn’t regard spiritual things so including when he wanted to get married, he just did it the way other guys did. But, Isaac was careful about Jacob and he called Jacob to him and said] “I don’t want you to marry from here. Don’t marry the daughters of Canaan”. He told him exactly where to go, he told him exactly which family to go to and the daughters of the particular man, he said “Go and marry from there”. He gave him specific directions and said “Here is where I want you to go.” Why? Because of the blessing! And, when he said all of that to him, he said “And the Lord give you this blessing of Abraham to go with you”. That’s so important, and the Bible says that Esau [Jacob’s brother] was watching. He heard it, he heard the instruction [he was alread